Marriage Myth #2: Find someone that will MAKE YOU HAPPY!
So, we continue our Marriage Myth series. First, we talked about how how our culture supports the notion of COMPROMISE in a marriage, but that approach could lead to bigger problems down the road. Now, I bring to your attention the second article in this series:
Myth #2: Marriage is about MEETING EACH OTHER’S NEEDS or MAKING EACH OTHER HAPPY.
When couples come into therapy, it is likely for me to hear at some point the following words uttered from one or both of their lips – s/he is not meeting my needs.
I understand that for the most part they are reflecting on the fact that their partner is not pulling their weightin the marriage. However, our culture tends to push this idea that my spouse has a responsibility for meeting MY needs. This simply is not the case. The way I see it is that I have needs for healthy functioning, my spouse has needs for healthy functioning, and our marriage has needs for healthy functioning. I am responsible for meeting my needs and doing my part in meeting the needs of the marriage, but my spouse is responsible for meeting her own needs.
Marriage Myth #1: Marriage is about COMPROMISE
Our culture today adheres to a set of marriage principles that I believe is not helpful, and sometimes even detrimental, to the marital relationship. In this series that I have entitled “Marriage Myths,” I address some of these teachings or philosophies that believe to be “bad advice” for those considering marriage and/or those who are struggling in their marriage. Although I never expect others to adhere exactly to my viewpoint; however, I hope this series will at minimum get your wheels turning about some of these common teachings on marriage. And so we begin
Marriage Myth #1: Marriage is about COMPROMISE.
This is probably one of the most common phrases I here from the couples that come in for marriage counseling – “Now, I know marriage is built on compromise, but…..” Can you hear the resentment brewing in that statement? It is funny to me that the term “compromise” is only used with a positive connotation when we are talking about marriage. Would a soldier want to be in war with someone who is known for compromising their position? If you operate heavy machinery for a living, would you want to work with equipment that has been compromised? If you work in the business world, would you want to be in business with someone who tends to compromise their ethics?
Marriage Myth #1: Marriage is about COMPROMISE.
This is probably one of the most common phrases I here from the couples that come in for marriage counseling – “Now, I know marriage is built on compromise, but…..” Can you hear the resentment brewing in that statement? It is funny to me that the term “compromise” is only used with a positive connotation when we are talking about marriage. Would a soldier want to be in war with someone who is known for compromising their position? If you operate heavy machinery for a living, would you want to work with equipment that has been compromised? If you work in the business world, would you want to be in business with someone who tends to compromise their ethics?