Parenting Tip: Don't Ask Questions, Make Observations
Vignette #1
Your teenage daughter walks in the door from school and SLAMS it shut! With her head down, eyebrows lowered, and bottom lip slightly puckered, she quickly stomps down the hall to her room and slams that door as well. You follow her down the hall, gently open the door and politely say, “Honey, are you upset?”
Vignette #2
Your three year old son is playing with his favorite toy. As he gets deeper and deeper into imaginative play, he starts getting more and more excited, which can also be translated, rowdier and rowdier. It’s inevitable at this point. You know it, your spouse knows it, and on some subconscious level, he probably knows it to – he’s about to hurt himself. He runs to you in a fit of tears. You look down at him with compassionate eyes and with a comforting tone say, “Did you hurt yourself?”
Do either of these vignettes ring true for you? These are just a couple of examples where we ask our children questions with answers that are too obvious. In some situations, like the one with the teenage girl, your child will just blatantly lie. She might say with obvious irritation in her voice, “No, Mom/Dad. I’m fine!” In her mind, she’s thinking, “If you don’t know, I’m not telling,” or, better yet, “Duh!”