I understand that for the most part they are reflecting on the fact that their partner is not pulling their weightin the marriage. However, our culture tends to push this idea that my spouse has a responsibility for meeting MY needs. This simply is not the case. The way I see it is that I have needs for healthy functioning, my spouse has needs for healthy functioning, and our marriage has needs for healthy functioning. I am responsible for meeting my needs and doing my part in meeting the needs of the marriage, but my spouse is responsible for meeting her own needs.
Marriage Myth #1: Marriage is about COMPROMISE.
This is probably one of the most common phrases I here from the couples that come in for marriage counseling – “Now, I know marriage is built on compromise, but…..” Can you hear the resentment brewing in that statement? It is funny to me that the term “compromise” is only used with a positive connotation when we are talking about marriage. Would a soldier want to be in war with someone who is known for compromising their position? If you operate heavy machinery for a living, would you want to work with equipment that has been compromised? If you work in the business world, would you want to be in business with someone who tends to compromise their ethics?
“My dad says that childhood is the happiest time of my life. But, I think he’s wrong. I think my mom’s right. She says that childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome.” (Hope Floats, 1998).
For some of you, this quote from the movie Hope Floats doesn’t ring true for you at all; but, for others, it is spot on. Some of you have tons of positive memories when you reflect on your childhood; but, for others, not so much. Although I believe that most parents truly are doing the best they can, some parents seem to have a better grasp on childrearing than others. For whatever reasons, many children will launch into adulthood with festering emotional wounds left by the actions or inactions of their parents. These young adults will soon enter into relationships themselves and have children of their own, all the while, unbeknownst to them, carrying with them their childhood baggage.
“Don’t expect your children to make up for where your parents fell short.”