Standing Up for YOUR Marriage

Yesterday was an interesting day as the masses flocked to popular fast-food chain, Chick-fil-a, for what has been labeled as “Chick-fil-a Appreciation Day,” in support of owner, Dan Cathy’s, stance against same-sex marriage.  It was reported that Chick-fil-a achieved record sales on this day. If you weren’t among the number purchasing your favorite chicken sandwich, you probably know someone that did. If you were to ask any one of them what this gathering was all about, you’d probably get a similar version of this response: We are here to show our support and take a stand for the Biblical view of marriage.

It seems to me that people are ready and willing to take a stand for the marital institution, in general, as evident by yesterday’s turnout for “Chick-fil-a Appreciation Day.”  But, what about our own marriage? What are we doing to help our marriages thrive?

 Question: What are we doing to not only protect our own marriages, but grow them as well?

Yesterday, many of you went to a fast-food restaurant and spent somewhere between $5 and $20 of your hard earned money.  You might have even stood in line for 45 minutes.  Standing up for a cause such as this can be a good and noble thing, but today you are back in the regular routine of things in your life and in your marriage.  For some of you that is a very good thing; for others, it is not so good.  Your own marriage is an extremely noble cause that is definitely worth fighting for.  So, what are you going to do about it?

Here are some suggestions you can be doing to protect, honor, and grow your marriage:

1.     Buy a Book. You and your spouse can purchase a marriage or relationship book and work through it together.  Some of my favorites are Fighting for Your Marriage, Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work, The 5 Love Languages, and ScreamFree Marriage. 

2.     Take a Class. You might be able to find classes at community mental health agencies, but you will probably have more luck attending a class at a local congregation or even auditing a class at a local university.  I know one of the best marital prep classes my wife and I attended during our engagement was our Christian Family class at Oklahoma Christian University.

3.     Marriage Seminars. In my home state of Oklahoma, it is quite easy to find free seminars to attend.  Oklahoma Marriage Initiative puts on free marriage seminars, known as Forever. For Real., throughout the State and throughout the year.  However, you may be more successful in your efforts if you research local churches in your area to see if they are hosting any workshops.  Some speakers I admire and believe to be well qualified are Hal Runkel, LMFT (ScreamFree Marriage), Dr. Don Hebbard, LMFT (Marriage U), and Dr. Gary Chapman (A Growing Marriage).  I, too, am also available for speaking events; but there are also many other well-qualified speakers out there.

4.     Marriage Retreats. With divorce rates teetering around 50 percent, many church congregations have recognized the need for marital enrichment.  It is not uncommon for these congregations to host marital retreats.  If your church offers these, I encourage you to take the opportunity to attend. If you live in Oklahoma, you may be able to attend a FREE marriage retreat, known as Thriving Marriages.  I have assisted with these retreats for several years. They are well-organized and well-executed.  I highly recommend you attend if you are able.   If your relationship is in need of something more intense and more therapeutic, you may consider a hermitage or an intensive couple’s weekend.

5.     Marriage Therapy. Sometimes the aforementioned avenues are not enough to spark your marriage to a state of healthiness.  Life is hard; and because it doesn’t happen in a vacuum, it can wear on our marriages and other relationships.  In my opinion, every couple should find themselves in therapy at some point in their relationship.  Marriage therapy has had a negative stigma attached to it for years.  I encourage you to help break that stigma by simply considering it just another tool in your marriage-building toolbox. Therapistlocator.net is a good directory to find a marriage counselor near you.

Remember, your marriage is a cause worth fighting for.  I hope you will make a commitment to stand up for your marriage by participating in opportunities such as these any chance you get.  If you have any questions or are in need of further resources, you are more than welcome to contact me, and I will do what I can to help.

Take care and may God bless you and your marriage.