I understand that for the most part they are reflecting on the fact that their partner is not pulling their weightin the marriage. However, our culture tends to push this idea that my spouse has a responsibility for meeting MY needs. This simply is not the case. The way I see it is that I have needs for healthy functioning, my spouse has needs for healthy functioning, and our marriage has needs for healthy functioning. I am responsible for meeting my needs and doing my part in meeting the needs of the marriage, but my spouse is responsible for meeting her own needs.
Marriage Myth #1: Marriage is about COMPROMISE.
This is probably one of the most common phrases I here from the couples that come in for marriage counseling – “Now, I know marriage is built on compromise, but…..” Can you hear the resentment brewing in that statement? It is funny to me that the term “compromise” is only used with a positive connotation when we are talking about marriage. Would a soldier want to be in war with someone who is known for compromising their position? If you operate heavy machinery for a living, would you want to work with equipment that has been compromised? If you work in the business world, would you want to be in business with someone who tends to compromise their ethics?
I know it has been a long time since I have written a blog entry. I have been wanting to get started back for quite some time now. I figured that Christmas time is about as good as time as any, right? Anywho…..I thought I would kick it off with a lighthearted holiday piece concerning some legendary Christmas songs.
One of the curses that goes a long with being a therapist is the temptation to over-analyze; and that is exactly what I have done here. Thus, I ask for your forgiveness ahead of time if I, in any way, ruin some of your favorite Christmas songs. That said, let the OVER-ANALYZATION process begin!
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. This particular carol is one of the firsts we commit to memory as a child. It has a catchy beat and an interesting story. One thing you may or may not know about me is that I tend to root for the underdog – in this case, underDEER (that’s my middle-child syndrome shining through, which is probably why I am also a huge Chicago Cubs fan). But I think most of us like a good story where the seemingly “weak” or “weird” one rises up and indirectly sticks it to those who bullied and/or didn’t believe in him or her. Isn’t that the message of the story? Hmmmmm…….
Let’s take a closer look.